Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Third Base!

At about two this morning I finished a run of many evening shifts in a row. On the way home I stopped at the all-night grocery store, and among all my other purchases for the week, I thought it appropriate to buy a six-pack of beer.

When I got to the checkout, the cashier took the beer off the belt and stuck it behind the counter. I was surprised, and I asked why he did that. We had the following exchange:

Cashier: "I can't sell alcohol right now. Sorry. It's after midnight."

Me: "Okay. When can I buy it?"

Cashier: "You can't. It's too late. It's after midnight."

Me: "You said that already. But when can I buy it?"

Cashier: "You'll have to come back tomorrow."

Me: "I can't buy beer until Thursday?"

Cashier: "No, Wednesday."

Me: "Today's Wednesday."

Cashier: "No, today's Tuesday."

Me: "Not anymore."

Cashier: "I don't mean to contradict you, sir, but I think I know what day I go to work."

Me: "You went to work on Tuesday. But now it's after midnight."

Cashier: "That's what I said. I can't sell alcohol after midnight."

Me: "I understand that. I want to know what time I can come back and get it."

Cashier:  "Like I said, not until tomorrow, which is Wednesday."

Me: "Fine! What time tomorrow?"

Cashier: "Any time, as long as it's before midnight."

Me: "Any time before midnight."

Cashier: "Yes."

Me: "How long before midnight?"

Cashier: "Doesn't matter."

Me: "How early in the morning?"

Cashier: "As early as you want."

Me: "But it's early in the morning right now. If the time doesn't matter, then technically it's before midnight, too. Like twenty-one hours before midnight."

Cashier: "Look at the clock, sir. It's three a.m. It's not before midnight. It's after."

Me: "Is this some kind of an April Fools joke or something?"

Cashier: "No, sir, April Fools is tomorrow."


I opened my mouth to try and keep arguing, but I decided was too tired and life's too short. I just abandoned my stuff on the counter and came home. I never did get my beer, but I've broken out the bottle of the good Scotch, because after that conversation I feel even more like I want a drink..

And I honestly have no idea whether the guy was joking.

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