Other ineffective strategies include:
- Calling ahead
- Coughing on me
- Calling me names
- Showing me money
- Showing me a weapon
- Showing me your boobs
- Claiming you are a nurse
- Claiming you are a physician
- Claiming you are the hospital CEO
- Offering me a ride in your new Cadillac
- Offering me one of your McDonald's fries
- Sitting in a wheelchair you don't actually need
- Holding your breath while I measure your pulse ox
- Telling me, "Write down 'unconscious' so I get seen first"
- Telling me your buddies will "get" me if you're made to wait
- Any sentence beginning with, "Now listen here, motherfucker"
None of these ever result in your being seen by the doc any faster. (Some of them will generate an immediate response, but only from a pack of several professionally looming young men with badges and crew cuts. Our hospital security officers are highly competent, intensely protective, and do not understand the phrase "just kidding.")
If you want to be seen first, all you have do is be the sickest person in the room. Manage that and you'll go straight to the head of the line.